Friday Fictioneers: Lucky Break

I pledgeThis week was burying me with work again, but since it’s called Friday Fictioneers, I’m not too late. I was wondering if I’d be able to make it though. This 100 words-or-less challenge is faithfully hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. You will find all the stories when you click on the Froggy. Please read, comment, and if you like, join the fun. Everyone is welcome.

stephen-baum
Image © Stephen Baum

Lucky Break

Darlene dragged her feet as she walked through the tunnel. It looked like another hot day, and she had to clean up after Pa again.

“Next time do it yourself,” she mumbled. She wanted a go at night patrols, her aim was as good as anyone’s.

Stepping outside, the heat nearly threw her. Clouds of flies led her to two corpses. A third body was still moving.

“What do we have here?”

An injured woman stared back. She looked weak.

“Can you work?”

The woman nodded. One bullet saved, Darlene thought. Maybe I needn’t marry dear brother after all.

(100 words)

Featured image: Woman with smoking gun by Clarence F. Underwood (1871-1929) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons
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51 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers: Lucky Break

    1. You threw me at first, and then you taught me something, how cool is that? I was thinking, but… I’m the narrator :(? However. on reflection, I realized I’d normally not write from the perspective of people like that. Here I had to, because otherwise I couldn’t have said what I wanted in 100 words. I hadn’t consciously realized what an emotional effect that would have on the narration. I’m very pleased now that you disliked the narrator. 😀 Next time I try to do that more consciously. Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Gosh I’m glad you realised what I meant. I hadn’t thought that you might take it personally but it is a great skill to learn. For a bit of fun write a piece in first, second and third person and also as a child and adult. The emotional impact on the reader in each varies immensely. Glad the comment helped you and good luck with your conscious attempts.

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  1. This is a great story that hinted at something much bigger. The best of these micro fiction pieces make the reader paint in other details with their own imagination and your story does that admirably. I felt as though I was reading something much longer, well done! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I find the idea awful, too. But people are hiding in remote areas, preparing for ‘the end of the world as we know it…” This screams incest. Whom do they think their kids can marry? I’m glad you thought it was well done. Thank you. 🙂

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  2. A rather dark and disturbing take on the prompt. That sounds like a rather unpleasant place to live. At least she won’t have to marry her ‘dear brother’ now – though I wonder just how the woman will feel about taking her place…? Very nicely done. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Love-to-hate feeling reminds me a lot of Gone Girl and Serena which I just read and saw the movies, and it’s like … I’m not sure who to root for here gruesome, because I hope these women make it out okay, but I’m not sure. Very gritty and raw and a little sad at the same time. Great use of language.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I love this.
    It is, as all the above comments say, bleak and unforgiving, but that is what makes it a great story.
    And I find the revulsion at the family situation slightly strange.
    It is all about the survival of the species, regardless of personal cost.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, I’m glad you like it. 🙂 You’re right about the survival of the species. Some of the survivalists, from what I’ve read, do scare me though. It’s clan only… I think the only chance under such circumstances would be a community. Tribalism seems to sit deep in our genes.

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  5. Excellent set up, with the narrator emerging through the tunnel. The feeling and circumstances of the characters and the setting come through superbly. That is a future I hope doesn’t eventuate.

    Liked by 1 person

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