Friday Fictioneers: Outside Lookin’ In – C

I pledgeTime for the Friday Fictioneers with another prompt from our Fairy Blog Mother, Rochelle Wisoff-Fields.

The task is to write a story: beginning, middle, and end, in 100 words or less. You can find all the Fictioneers’ stories when you click on the Froggy. Please read, comment, and if you like, join the fun. Everyone is welcome.

This week in action again: the Friday Fictioneers Concrit Subgroup.

roger-bultot-2
Image © Roger Bultot

Outside Lookin’ In

Amaranth, witchgrass, clover. Teasels with full seed heads; their fresh stalks would be good to eat in spring. Nettles, plantain. Brambles rich with berries right by the fence. A good place to gather.

Just don’t get too close to the fence, Linda told herself as she rose from her stoop and rubbed her back. They’d shoot, no warning. She stared at the building inside the perimeter: another world.

There stood that man again, same window as yesterday. Was he watching her? She doubted it. The Elites only saw what they wanted to see.

Linda didn’t care. Her children would eat.

(100 words)


As so often, I found my title in music. This time: Bruce Springsteen

If you are interested in wild plants, I recommend taking a look at the Plants For A Future Database. It is a treasure chest, with good and sound information.


675px-Panicum_capillare_NPS-1Featured image: “Panicum capillare NPS-1” by Jim Pisarowicz – http://www.nps.gov/wica/photosmultimedia/photo%2Dgallery%2Dgrasses%2Ehtm?eid=133837&aId=175&root_aid=175&sort=title&startRow=64#e_133837. Licensed under Public Domain via Commons – https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Panicum_capillare_NPS-1.jpg#/media/File:Panicum_capillare_NPS-1.jpg

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54 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers: Outside Lookin’ In – C

    1. I’m not so fond of Divergent, but like the Hunger Games. It’s already happening all around us. Climate change won’t be stopped, greed and cheating won’t be stopped… many of these stories have rather accurate predictions for the cause and effect of the situations I think, even if they go off on a tangent later.

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  1. First of all … I love Bruce Springsteen … GREAT song.
    The first paragraph is perfection but the last lines – “Linda didn’t care. Her children would eat.” – this says it all. Feed and take care of your own. A timely story I remember the Hunger Games portraying.
    Isadora 😎

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    1. So I learn right now. This first paragraph gave me a lot of trouble, and now everyone seems to like it. It shows that you should write what you know… I know my plants. 🙂 Thank you for your kind words, Rochelle.

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  2. I love how specific your first paragraph is, it’s so rich in detail it’s like chocolate cake for the reader.

    It’s difficult to think of potential improvements. Perhaps having that “They’d shoot…” line as a separate paragraph would increase the tension?

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    1. Wow, this is great praise, thank you so much. That paragraph gave me trouble, I’m so happy it worked out. And thank you for the feedback. I’ll keep the advice about the tension in mind. I think it’s good advice.

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    1. Thank you, I’m glad you liked. 🙂 Thanks about that link, it’s a great site and a lot to explore. I read about Madison when you ‘originals’ talk among each other. 😉 I’ve come too late to the game to ‘meet’ her.

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  3. C – I really enjoyed the conceit here. It works really well when you are reading and not really understand what the story is about. I know enough about plants to understand it was about food. To me the real story is of course the barrier but I love how you used an emotional character to build it. I almost get a sense of “Brave new world” here.

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    1. Thank you! I didn’t realize that the gathering for food wasn’t obvious. Of course it isn’t… (if it is to me, it has to be the same for everyone else 😉 ). Maybe if I had added a ‘food’ after ‘gather’?

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  4. I think that little detail in the title is what wins this over for me. The “Lookin'” spelling really sets the character apart from the “Elites” without having to force dialogue through a story that does so well with atmosphere alone. Well done.

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  5. I love this piece.
    Each paragraph, from first to last, really works hard. I love the plants in the opening paragraph and also that the individual parts and the whole of your story link so well with the photo.
    A mother makes for a strong character but I’m also left wondering who the man is (and I’d say, of course he’s noticed!).

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  6. Good story. I also liked the first paragraph of survival thinking. It’s the way a person would think if they were planning on doing something they had to do to survive. People have forgotten why some of those “weeds” were planted to begin with, that they’re edible. Well done Gah. 🙂 — Suzanne

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