Overcrowded – Friday Fictioneers Flash Fiction

I pledgeEvery Wednesday we get a new picture prompt for the Friday Fictioneers, a challenge graciously hosted by our Fairy Blog Mother Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. We’re still in rerun modus because Rochelle is busy with her soon-to-be-published new book.

The task of the challenge is to write a story: beginning, middle, and end, in 100 words or less. You can find all the Fictioneers’ stories when you click on the Froggy. Please read, comment, and if you like, join the fun. Everyone is welcome.

Overcrowded

The world’s exploded into chaos and won’t stop spinning. Kaleidoscopic lights flash before her eyes, and her mind feels like an overcrowded pub. Her ears are filled with the screeching and howling of her own screams. How she longs for a moment of silence.

The taste and smell of ripe fruit bursting with flavor still lingers: seductive, tantalizing, just like the thing that’d sprouted from the corpse. She’d gulped it down as if her life depended on it.

And now it grows, sharing her dreams, invading her thoughts.

“Who are you?”

“A friend. Don’t be afraid. I’m with you. Always.”

(100 words)


icon-grill-ted-strutz

 

Featured image ©Ted Strutz. Used with permission for this Friday Fictioneer Challenge only. Any other use of this image requires Ted Strutz’s permission.

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66 thoughts on “Overcrowded – Friday Fictioneers Flash Fiction

  1. Love what you did with the prompt, that’s so out of nowhere, how cool! Something tells me she doesn’t normally eat things that sprout from corpses (ew), so there must have been some mind control from the very beginning Creepy!

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  2. Wonderfully dark and creepy, Gabi. Love the mind control, eating things from corpses idea – wonderfully gruesome and yet with a grain of fact in there, as many cannibal tribes certainly thought eating parts of their enemies gave them powers. Really intrigued to think where this idea has come from and where it’s going to go. Full marks to you X

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    1. I love how readers read. The cannibal stuff, although I read about it, was so completely not in my thoughts while I wrote it. 😀 I’ve been experimenting with the idea, FF is great for that. Glad you found it creepy. 😀

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      1. Thank you for that, Paul, I appreciate it. I was wondering where the steampunk comes in for you–because I never consciously wrote steampunk. Do you think ‘her mind felt cluttered and overcrowded’ works better?

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    1. Thank you, I’m glad youfind it realistically portrayed. I’ve heard about similar experiences from people with migraines, and took some ideas from descriptions about how autistic children describe being overwhelmed by their surroundings. I’m glad it worked.

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  3. Ooooh, there is so much going on here. The noise and oppressive feeling really comes across in the first paragraph, and then an explosion of colour and taste in the second.
    I wonder where this will go? It reads like a fascinating opening to a story that hooks you from the start

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! A hook? Hmmmgrmblmhhh. You make me rethink my concept. Maybe I should start with this? Hmmm… rewriting… hmmm. Sorry, I’ve struggled with this longer ‘thing’ for a while, with pov, with how to start, with too much info dumping–and am moving in a circle of two or three chapters that always get me to the ‘this is crap’ conclusion. This approach might just work… 😀 Thank you for giving me ideas!

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  4. Ooh, is the friend something sprouting inside of her? Creepy. Did you read, “The Girl with All the Gifts” by any chance? I think you’d like it. Your story made me think of it. Well done, Gah.

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    1. Thank you, Amy. No, I didn’t read the book. I’ll check it out. From what I see in the blurbs, it’s quite different though (sigh of relief). I so often come across an idea and then find, that’s been done here, the other one’s been done there… 🙂

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      1. I come across that all the time, too! I meant it as a compliment as I really enjoyed that book AND I thought it was pretty original. It was the the sprouting part that caught my attention. 🙂 I think you would enjoy that book if you’re looking for an alternative zombie story. Yes, it’s about zombies!

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    1. Oh, I’m glad you think so. Thank you! This is going in many directions, maybe too many, I’m having trouble focussing on one thing. But the replies to this are very helpful and give me ideas on how to do it. Hm…

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    1. The theme of something in a person–parasite, entity, symbiote, invader, etc.–shows up frequently in SF. I’m constantly checking that it doesn’t go this way (done before) or that way (done to death)–and come up with something new-ish. I’m glad you’re intrigued, thank you!

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  5. Sounds a bit like black magic or voodoo. I don’t think I’d want that person with me. Of course, she might be coming off drugs and needs someone with her as she needs help. Powerful description, Gah. Good writing. —- Suzanne

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